| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|10:50 pm] |
I've found me again.
I guess it seemed kind of pointless to start off somewhere else and leave this here doing nothing, so, I'm turning the comments section of this post into a confessional for whoever stumbles across this last post. Post comments anonymously (heh, obviously) you'd be surprised how good it feels. |
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| This is the end, again, my friend. |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|06:25 pm] |
Stereotypical day for the most part, trendies, footy fanatics, suits, lawyers, doctors, the deranged, hardcore kids on school holidays, goths, punks, wallflowers, freaks, dandy's, homies, mothers with kids, young mothers, staggle bearded drunkards, junkies, unemployed, uneducated, unwilling, unable, taxi drivers, bankers, clerks, snooty nosed store attendants, petrolheads and motormouths, underpaid overworked receptionists, people with accessories worth more than their monthly wage, Islamic converts from Christianity, old men who stay silent, clothing labels, idyllic stereotypes laid out on the ground, embodiment and personification of. Same stories, same faces, same names, same places.
The winter is here and this turkey's lost its feathers. It's getting cold. I have to consume it.
They're so fragile, and when they slowly grind to dust, each separate shard becomes a blade and tears our innards to shreds. Pink ribbons in a ribcage.
Cut a swath out your side and watch that elephant in your living room, the taboo that you never speak of, we cannot of course acknowledge its presence, though it blocks our view of the television, though it bends the light streaming in from the windows. It just stands there stoic, swishing its tail about. Silent. To the blind man the elephant is many things. He can feel it but can never tell quite what it represents.
http://hellfox.deviantart.com/
Check that out.
Goodbye. It was weird while it lasted. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|12:37 am] |
Journal Journal Journal. God wills that I write this. My parents arrived safely back from Africa, nobody was mauled by lions, I am disappointed in that. They didn't even SEE any lions, some African adventure. Oh well.
The e-mail was rather as much as I had expected, mum used the term "coloureds" only once or twice, which isn't too bad considering her childhood and upbringing coincides with some of the darkest chapters of my country's history. She knows how it riles us, but old habits die hard I suppose.
Thank heavens for your electronic nature dearest journal. The stains of past infractions don't show up as well, the silent storm doesn't make your ink run, you won't be lost.
Know your enemy I suppose.
I'm going to buy up the moral highground and just observe.
Kurt Vicek stood by the side of the road. In all his years, it had never been far from his side, it called him constantly, and today was no different. Beside him lazily nestling beside his leg was his rucksack, in it were all his worldy posessions, the things he could not do without. The deep brown eyes that seemed to have been sucked back into the dark recesses of their sockets focused intently through the straggled mat of hair at a crow across the road. It hopscotched across the stones and twigs, head down, eyes scanning the ground, mouth agape. For moments on end, it was just the crow and Kurt. The road, the trees, the traffic, everything turned white, lost shape and form, except for the crow, it held his focus, it's black feathers shining in the midday sun. He stepped towards it, one step, two steps, three,four, five. He was upon it, and in some strange fashion the crow knew what was about to happen. It stood completely still as human hands pinned its wings to its body, it made no sound as it was elevated to eye level. It's bright blue eyes shone wildly. ack..............................................................................................................................................................................................I won't even dignify that with an ending.
"We are all human, let's start to prove it"
The white flag I'm raising is stained with your thoughts and actions. I give up. I release my grip. You're free despite my thoughts. I release this dermal plating, here I am, waving this flag. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2004|11:11 am] |
"The boy with the world in his eyes.
He seemed totally aware of everything around him and to everything he took a gentle fascination, I say gentle what I mean to say is that he was affected by a nature scene the same way he would be affected by a multi car collision. He saw death as part of life, interwined and beautiful. People thought that he was odd and disturbed, the way he would smile when someone would come to him with their problems. I never thought him odd at all, I saw him more as an open door, a man at one with the elements. On some days, I could look into his eyes and I would swear I could see all the way into his soul. On other days, his eyes were clouded and dull. It was on days like these that he spoke of feeling old inside himself. He told me that sometimes he wished he could get out of himself for awhile. I never really understood him. I would ask him what he was about, he would smile and tell me I had someone a lot more important than him to learn about. When I would ask him who that was he would laugh and say nothing, it took me awhile, but now I see who he was talking about."
"The future?, what the fuck do you know about the future?. Nothing. All you can do is guess. Now is the only thing that's real. The past? Really? Give me your version, I'll give you mine. There is no truth but your own. None." |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|02:28 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  frustrated | ] |
Another day, another thought tapping my skull. Multiply that by a few thousand. That's better. I set off to rectify my dismal academic situation today, I wandered the streets that I'd occasionally driven through as a boy, but was never allowed to set foot in, such was the danger. The syringes are gone, or at least, out of view, the streets were empty, but then they always were. The users had been moved out and replaced by young professionals, the old football ground where on Sundays 36 men would slug it out for glory, the roars erupting from the stadium wafting slowly over the walls and into the small weatherboard house occupied by my uncle. Of course, all of this occured in the time it took me to get lost looking for a foreign library (which ended up being closed anyway). Sometimes things happen because they're supposed to.
I'm torn and you'll find out soon enough.
To Ed, who I know will never read these words, what's left of my heart goes out to you, I'll be over to see you one day. We'll play golf (ack) and drink coffee like old times.
Argh, I'm so frustrated. I was far worse before, but things change, and time heals all wounds. Pardon my brash behaviour, but this all so absurd. I guess you don't know what you've got til its gone, or maybe you do, and that's what makes us all so sad.
--
The water rushes up the beach like a Japanese soldier, and retreats like a Frenchman. The watermark moves higher and in the cold light of the moon I see you there hacking away at a plant, the blade catches the moon's rays and sends them into my stinging eyes. The landscape was so beautiful and I wonder why you hack away at the paradise laid out before you. I wonder why you work so dilligently to tear away at what you have here. I look on, but cannot get to you, I speak, but you cannot hear. The tide comes in and leaves me stranded out on the reef, my feet cut, the saltwater rushing in and making me groan with the cleansing. I scream but you cannot hear me over the waves. I wave my arms but you cannot see me. You just continue on, hacking away, slicing with all your attention focused on this sole task.
The night passes and the tide retreats. I struggle across the reef, rockpools slowly turn red with the addition of my blood, a seagull plunges into the murky depths and doesn't resurface. The jagged rocks tear my searing flesh, the sun beats down, and still I see you there, cutting, slashing, without fear of retribution, or where your actions might take you. Slowly you destroy what you have.
A crab straggles about my feet, it falls on its back, I look down to see it in throes of death, its last ditch effort to save itself falls short, it's flailing claws seize. I step over it as you would have. The reef gives way to the sand. The brilliant white, burning sand. The sun beats down. I stumble forth in my tattered rags I try to yell, but find myself without voice. Those last few metres seem like an eternity, my feet touch down and squeal with pain. I grab your arm and you turn to me, I look into your eyes and see nothing. Your arm falls and the blade sinks deep into my flesh. The blood bubbles slightly and slowly slithers toward the sand. I stand back bleeding, a new demon arises inside me, my face contorts with rage "DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" I yell, but you don't respond, you just keep tearing away at it. "DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DESTROYING?" I yell, but you don't respond, you just keep hacking away. Your silence, your utter irreverence, pushes the demon closer to the surface. Slowly the sand turns red with my blood. The waves form a cacophonic wall, I move toward you and you push me away.
I look to the water mark, the body of the gull washes up, its wet feathers quickly become encrusted with the sand, give it a few days and it will become the memory you never had, the torturous death in your paradise that you ignored or never knew existed. What once was an exercise in perfection is now destroyed. Where once beauty roamed, only hate and hurt remain. At the your hands and at mine, these plants have been broken, their bonds with the world severed, their screams drowned out by the intensity of your emotions and the focus with which you destroy. The sun lowers and fruitlessly I throw myself into the battle with your determination. Soon the tide grows tired of hugging the shore and I must return to my place on the reef. I walk away and hear you cry out in pain, but I do not turn around. I cannot. I console you from my place on the reef, but such is the pain of your destruction. I reach down to scoop water in my hands to wash these wounds of mine, expecting to see myself I am surprised to see nothing at all.
--
The Pixies play a familiar tune. The rain slowly pelts down outside. The cold air mixes with my thoughts and I wonder.
These needles lay wayward and wasted, the happiness they bring, the euphoria.
"Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|12:15 pm] |
H.
What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
Looking to turn this piss to wine.
They're both totally void of hate,
But killing me just the same.
The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.
And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
Considerately.
Venomous voice, tempts me,
Drains me, bleeds me,
Leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.
The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.
And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.
Without the skin,
Beneath the storm,
Under these tears
The walls came down.
And the snake is drowned and
As I look in his eyes,
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of those times.
I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.
And as the walls come down and
As I look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.
I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.
Oh needless cruelty. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|11:02 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Jesus Christ Pose | ] |
April 9th, Good Friday. Jesus Christ Pose plays, Soundgarden are long gone, but their music is still kicking arse after all these years. Chris Cornell has an amazing voice, and to think he started out as a drummer is remarkable.
This sore throat hasn't improved, so I think I'm coming down with something, I'm pretty resilient usually, so hopefully i'm ok to enjoy the rest of my long long weekend. I've been watching so many films recently, it's a disgrace, tonight I'm off to see The Passion of the Christ, on Good Friday, probably in the presence of Christians. It should be interesting, I'll report back when I can.
Yesterday I saw Elephant,it's a reasonably simple film, it merely details the goings on in a high school in Oregon, what it lacks in complexity it makes up for in content. I implore you to see this film at your earliest convenience, it is a masterpiece of cinema. Gus Van Sant is the director (Goodwill Hunting, Gerry) and does another amazing job.
Dreams punctured by reality, I'm sorry to hear your phoenix is dying. I'll see you on the ground, or below. I wish to leak some cyan from my head, and paint my life with it, I wish to embrace all that is beautiful, to enshroud myself in the sights, sounds and smells. Halt the quivering and shivering of my soul, steady up and sail forth.
Soundgarden - Jesus Christ Pose
And you stare at me in your Jesus Christ pose
Arms held out like you've been carrying a load
And you swear to me you don't want to be my slave
But you're staring at me like I need to be saved
In your Jesus Christ pose
Arms held out
In your Jesus Christ pose
Thorns and shroud like it's the coming of the Lord
And I swear to you that I would never feed you pain
But you're staring at me like I'm driving the nails
In your Jesus Christ pose
And you stare at me
In your Jesus Christ pose
Arms held out like it's the coming of the Lord
And would it pay you more to walk on water
Than to wear a crown of thorns
It wouldn't pain me more to bury you rich
Than to bury you poor
In your Jesus Christ pose |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|02:49 am] |
Bleugh. Another interview. Such is the way of it.
This rank and file nature, this frank and vile nature of things. Glad to see you lost your appeal, he stares at me from the morning pages, smiling, a proponent of Islam apparently. I hope in the next 40 years of incarceration you meet up with some real "Aussie pigs", oh how the smile will be wiped from your face. Such hatred for someone I don't know, someone I've never spoken to. It is this side of the news I hate the most, it is the side of news I hope never to encounter. What drives people to these ends I shall never know. I shan't expect to be able to avoid it at all, but I can dream, and I do.
Another supplication to end the suffocation. Breathe. Fading away, counting backwards and. Gone. Stifling as this is, I can't bring myself to do it. "Pain, unlike pleasure, wears no mask", as it is said, behind Sorrow there is always Sorrow.
Easter break, yay, Jesus gave up a weekend for my sins! (I suppose he did that whole dying on the cross thing too), joy of joys, I should like to spend it reading, infact, I may well do just that.
Another shortbread hit, with tea, takes me back, I should probably learn the art the way he did, there's a secret to it, and I hope it's written down, I don't expect my skills in communicating with the dead are up to scratch.
Ah European cinema, you should check out Mariken if you get the chance, it's Dutch, but don't let that stop you, the story line isn't too bad, susperstition in the middle ages, but the way it was shot was excellent.
Of course, for all its beauty, there was something rather disturbing that happened to me tonight, there's been a rather offensive smell permeating the house over the past day or so, a quick check to make sure it wasn't me and some detective work narrowed the source down to one pot on the stove. The pot was rather old, brown lid, black handles & a small flower motif on the side. Arm outstretched I reach slowly for the lid, and prise it off. I peek inside. A mysterious brown sludge greets me. "Strange" I thought "This may well be of some importance", so I replace the lid and go to my interview. I return a few hours later, and ask around about the mysterious brown sludge. It's decided that the owner of the sludge is Floron the robot, so we wait it out in the hopes that he will return to take care of it. Time passes and I finally decide I can't take it, I pick up the pot, take it out the back , release its contents into the wilderness, and turn the hose onto it in the darkness. The smell is awful, like hotdogs (I later find out that's exactly what the mysterious brown sludge WAS at one stage). So there we have it, after a week or two sitting on the stove, hotdogs liquify. Hotdogs LIQUIFY. Why, oh why should I ever need to know that?. Thanks Floron......that made my day.
I'm yet to inspect the damage in the morning sun, I'm not sure I can go back to the scene of all that horror.
Another cyan dream, I shouldn't be so surprised, I'm not unhappy with them, they're wondrous, beautiful and relaxing. How I long to float through the days like I do in those dreams. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|02:18 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Crowded House, Frente, Ween | ] |
ah Crowded House.
Everything is good for you, if it doesn't kill you.
The Committee had a meeting on Sunday, basically its the females of the house, plus their female friends, meeting up and discussing things. I sit to the side and listen, they always turn to me and say "Sorry Stu" before launching into some tirade about a boy or something, "Don't worry, I know how worthless we are" I reply with a smile. Its basically a support network, it's strange what loyalty does to people, occasionally they'll throw me a bone and ask for my perspective, one they admit is slightly warped given the influences on my life and my sense of self preservation. They're afraid, or perhaps excited, that I might turn out in some sort of Bowie-esque form. It's funny looking back on it, it was funny at the time. I whince at some of the things put forth, some of the theories, they all turn to me and look accusingly and say "isn't that right Stu", sometimes you just have to agree, the evidence is incredible, I mean, considering the amount of degree's amongst the comittee, you'd expect the evidence to be amazing. The Committee meetings are always tense, always fuelled by a good meal (rosemary roast lamb with goat-cheese mashed potatoes!) and wine of course.
This one sort of crept up on me, one moment I'm sleeping on the couch, next minute I hear my sister belittling my sleep condition, then all of a sudden the Committee is there. Its too late to escape. My exits are blocked. Oh well, best sit down and learn something.
Yesterday, as my entry probably shows, was rather, sullen.
And I swear
That I don’t have a gun
No I don’t have a gun
No I don’t have a gun
Kind of ironic.
I'm surprised to see it pass actually.
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You’ll say the words that I can’t say
I'm going to sit down and try and get some work done, lord knows i've neglected it in favour of........well, I can't entirely put my finger on it.
Easter this weekend. Probably drunken (the committee discussed it), I think I'll take in some culture and get my arse down to the gallery, it's been re-opened after YEARS, so I should give it the respect it deserves. Actually, I think someones going there tonight, hrm, perhaps not, perhaps this needs to be done in company I can stand. Looks like its going to have to happen Saturday.
Another siren cracks the warm afternoon sun, drowning out the birds, their wings flapping helplessly amongst the noise.
Time to sleep a little.
ha, maybe that's where all my work times has been going.
take this: http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/mask.htm
funny funny funny |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|03:52 pm] |
Book list update, you can now see it here
There are still a few issues with it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|02:42 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | remembering | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alice in Chains & Nirvana | ] |
I can't sleep and I proffer that you cannot either. What is it that brings you here? or me for that matter. Today is the day the lights sort of dimmed a little. I won't go so far as to say today was the day the music died, oh no, I won't stammer about lost in the moment. I'll just try and get this down as best I can. It might have been a Friday, or a Saturday or a Sunday, I'm not sure I can recall, sometimes these things just get mixed up in your head. What do you do when you find out one of your idols is dead? Furthermore, what do you do when you find out they've killed themselves, when you find out they couldn't face the world?. You wonder, as I did, and still do today, about what drives somebody to that end. What happens when you're ten years old and you're listening to this news filter through? Just one of those shaping moments. Fundamental changes, loss, we all have them I'm sure. I'm not really fanatical, I can't accept the conspiracy theories, I don't think he's still alive on some island, living it up and laughing, but he lives on in other ways. I'm sure we've all looked down that barrel, I'm sure we've all walked the tightrope and thought about jumping off, some of us have come closer than others, not many I know have gone past that point, strange enough considering the place I grew up in.
Such a beautiful human, such a great mind, a talent, all of these things. He just couldn't take it, fed up and "bang", here's your face on the floor and the wall.
It wouldn't be fair to mention Kurt Cobain and not Layne Staley, who also died on this day two years ago. Ten and two. It doesn't feel like 10 years. I look back and see where I’ve come from. It never looks far, never ever. My playlist of Nirvana & Alice in Chains stuff (live tracks, recorded, rarities etc) spans some 10 hours, that's all I'll listen to today, I'll just space out if I can help it, try and get to class but.....sometimes things just affect you.
Live, and love. Live and love because you never know when it will be taken away. You never know what anyone is feeling, so play nice, respect each other, and love.
This might seem stupid.
Part of me still hurts, is still angered by the whole situation. Why. There was so much left to be done, and the pain of existence just crept up.
Whilst part of me wants to say "That was a piss poor effort Kurt" I know I can't. Rest easy Kurt, ten years gone, never forgotten, you've done more to influence the world than I ever could. I guess you had your reasons.
Thank you.
Drain You
One baby to another says -
I'm lucky to have met you
I don't care what you think
Unless it is about me
It is now my duty to completely drain you
A travel through a tube
And end up in your infection
Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
I like you
With eyes so dialated,
I've become your pupil
You've taught me everything
Without a poison apple
The water is so yellow, I'm a healthy student
Indebted and so grateful -
Vacuum out the fluids
Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
I like you
One baby to another says -
I'm lucky to have met you
I don't care what you think
Unless it is about me
It is now my duty to completely drain you
A travel through a tube
And end up in your infection
Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
Sloppy lips to lips
You're my vitamins
I'm like you
Dumb
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
Think I'm just happy
Think I'm just happy
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover
Have a hangover
Have a hangover
Have a hangover
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
My day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
Think I'm just happy
Think I'm just happy
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
I think I'm dumb
"Seems every path leads me to nowhere.....You know he ain't gonna die" |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2004|02:49 pm] |
Eris
Paint me as you will, dearest.
The widest brush
Your palette so pale,
The full gambit of tertiary colours
Murky and muddy as you see me
Selfish, stubborn
Your words deflected
But piercing, stabbing
Watch as the mud peals
Screams all the words I wish I could say
Fuses with the blood
You've helped me arrive here, mother
Don't hate what I've become
The evolution
Is complete
Sol
Your summer song so brittle
Your strength brewing until
One furious backhand
Sweeps it all away
A rejection of all that surrounds
Rightly or wrongly
Verity
Here it comes now
My time is here
And I can smite myself
These torrid pink scars
Red and swelling
A reminder of days past
And those drowned bodies
Back to haunt me
Those cyanide smiles
Those rainbows of oil
The smell of the rain
The ocean
Water on sand
Flood, flood, flood
Just need to take my mind away
Cotton wool
Unleashed upon my return
To the world of the living
And Livid
Your second wind
Their unknowing ignorance
Does not hold you down
The purest white is stained
The purest fight
The sheer delight
The warm embrace
Feel it
Taste it
Solstice and solace
Still life
the fruit sits
bowled and mouldy
the red and yellow
pallid
sucked out
chewed up
spat out |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|09:21 pm] |
What is your full name:: Stuart and you know the rest or should
Spell your first name backwards:: Trauts!
Date of birth:: 15th November, 1983
Male or female:: Male, but, meh,I won't explain
Astrological sign:: Scorpio (say it in a Sean Connery voice *melts*)
Nicknames:: Frogger, Stu Cab-Charge, Frog, *cough* Sturat *cough*
Occupation:: Student
Height:: 6'2".
Weight:: *shrugs*
Hair color:: Brownish usually
Eye color:: Blue
Where were you born:: A small country town
Where do you reside now:: In a large city not far from the small town where I was born
Age:: 20 going on 50
Screen names:: Many and varied
E-mail addy:: Ask and ye shall receive....or just, sydneyfrog*AT*hotmail.com
What does your screen name stand for:: It's just a nickname, anything added to it usually has some meaning
What is your livejournal name:: Audibleink
What does your livejournal name stand for:: It attempts to illustrate the power of words I suppose
Pets:: None for a while.
Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake:: Probably 2 or 3
Piercings:: I'm piercing free
Tattoo's:: Just waiting for the right time
Shoe size:: 11-12.
Righty or lefty:: Right or er, left, depending on the nature of the question
Wearing:: Jeannnnnnnnnns, well worn, comfortable, my only concession to my mostly black wardrobe
Hearing:: "But now here you are, and here I am" - Eddie Vedder singing Small Town
Feeling:: Beaten
Eating/drinking:: Beer soon
Guys/Girls/Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff
Have you ever been in love:: Yep
How many people have you said, I love you:: very few. You can't throw things around like that
How many people have you been in REAL love with:: very few
How many people have you kissed:: ahhhhhh the question is too broad, probably hundreds over the years, of course, that assumes the widest defition of "kissed"
Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex:: Assuming the most narrow definition, yes.
How many people have you dated:: less than the fingers I have on my left hand
What do you look for in a guy/girl:: I'm not so sure it's looking so much as...for me it's not an active search :/
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex:: without hearing them speak, it's eyes every time.
What type of guy/girl do you usually go for:: Meh, crap question,
Do you believe in love at first sight:: Sight assuming you haven't spoken to the person? no.
Do you remember your first love:: No one ever forgets
Who is the first person you kissed:: assuming a narrow definition, I'd say it was my first love ;)
Do you believe in fate:: Sometimes.
Do you believe in soul mates:: I'm not sure, maybe
If so do you believe you'll ever find yours:: Sure
Family Stuff
How many siblings do you have:: three
What are your siblings names:: sister, sister, sister, er, Fluffy, Bec and Jess
What are your parents names:: Karen, Graeme, mum and dad? :/
How many siblings does your mother have:: Four
How many siblings does your father have:: 3 and 1 step, meh four
Where are your parents from:: Australian with distant UK heritage on my fathers side, and er, more recent UK heritage on my mothers side
Is your family close:: geographically no, but in that "close-knit" family kind of way, sort of.
Does your family get together for holidays:: it's rare to get us all in the same room
Do you have a drunk uncle:: I have a drunk father, wait, I might end up being the drunk uncle :O
Any medical problems run through your family:: Nothing really, maybe this sleep disorder, I dunno
Does someone in your family wear a toupee:: well.....yes.
Do you have any nieces or nephews:: Nope
Are your parents divorced:: No, but I have this inkling they might be soon enough
Do you have step parents:: Nope
Has your family ever disowned another member of your family:: Yeah, the battle lines get drawn fairly regularly
Did some of your family come to from another country:: Yeah, 200 odd years ago on one side, 80 odd on the other
Music Stuff
What song do you swear was written about you or your life:: There are far too many songs that seem like they were written about a part of my life, I couldn't cut it down to one
What's the most embarrassing cd you own:: I er, have sisters for a reason
What's the best cd you own:: I can't do that.
What song do you absolutely hate:: whatever is being overplayed on the radio at the time
Do you sing in the shower:: sometimes.
What song reminds you of that special someone:: H
Okay, I Name An Artist And You Give A Lyric From Any One Of Their Songs!
Pink:: errr
Aerosmith::
Run away, run away, run, run away
Janie's Got A Gun
Janie's Got A Gun
Janie's Got A Gun
Everybody is on the run
Madonna::
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Korn::
You came into my life
Without a single thing
I gave into your ways
Which left me with nothing
I've given empty smiles
I've dealt with all your games
I wish you'd bet right now
I had to let you win
Backstreet Boys:: erm. Sorry.
The Beatles:: Here's another clue for you all, the walrus was Paul
Sublime::
That's why I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot, hits
the bottle and goes back to the rock
Fuckin and fighting it's all the same
Livin' with louie dog's the only way to stay sane
Let the lovin come back to me
J.Lo:: Don't be fooled by the pie that we got, I'm still, I'm still Weebl, this is Bob, used to have a donkey that I loved a lot, now she lives with a ninjaaaaa... PIRATE.
*Nsync:: Erm, this is getting rather pathetic, who writes these things?
Limp Bizkit:: Um.....*searches his mind*
But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain
Because you know it all and I guess things will never change
But you might need my hand when falling in your hole
Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go of
You and me we're through
And rearranged
yes, I scare me too
Incubus:: New skinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Favourites
Color:: Black, blue, green (the colour of the revolution!)
Food:: Chocolate, cheese, together and TEAAAAAAAAAA, Mexican
Song:: I won't choose
Show:: Hrm, lots of strange stuff.
School subject:: I loved art until it was destroyed for me, I loved English too
Band/singer/artist:: Band - Tool. Singer - Eddie Vedder. Artist - Many and varied, Escher :O .
Animal:: Chihuahuas ;)
Outfit:: so long as its comfortable
Radio station:: I rarely listen to the radio, but probably Triple J
Movie:: Too many, Fight Club, Donnie Darko, 2001, A Clockwork Orange, Requiem for a Dream, Trainspotting, Pi
Pair of shoes:: Heh I used to love my Docs :( I need bigger blacker boots
Cartoon:: Spongebob Squarepants is great, Invader Zim, er, Space Ghost :D
Actor:: I love Johnny Depp for his portrayal of Hunter S. Thompson
Actress:: None really
Potato chip:: Meh.
Drink:: Tea, alcoholic? Vodka!
Soda:: bleugh, coke probably
Holiday:: Overseas preferably ;)
Perfume/cologne:: None.
Pizza topping:: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE
Jello flavor:: Um, banana? no, not really, um Lime
Card Game:: Uno!
Video game:: Diamond mine a.k.a Bejeweled
Website:: deviantART, Weebl and Bob, Shadows Sphere :D
Book:: Probably 1984, if we're talking modern books. I think The Rum Diaries is amazing too!
Number:: 9
Cereal:: Um....Corn Flakes?
Comedian:: I love BritCom, I love any comedian so long as they're funny ;) probably the highly-offensive Denis Leary and Bill Hicks over all though (ha, both Americans :/)
Dessert:: Chocolate anything
Disney character:: erm, I always liked Sebastian the crab
Clothing store:: None in particular
Past time:: writing, eating, sleeping, music, music, music
Teacher:: I wouldn't be where I am without my year 6 teacher Mr. Armstrong encouraging and embracing my strange sense of humour, thanks Trevor!
Childhood toy:: Blue bear!
Carnival game/ride:: Anything fast, I love rollercoasters
Candy bar:: peanut butter cups are a rarity, but chocolate kicks so much arse
Magazine:: I don't read them usually, occasionally Rolling Stone or Metal Edge or Kerrang
Salad dressing:: French (in the only concession I will make to them!)
Thing to do on the weekend:: Write, sleep, drink, converse, repeat
Hot drink:: Tea
Season:: Winter
Sport to watch:: I can stand watching football, erm, Australian football too and cricket,
Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits
What color are your sheets:: Blue
What color are your bedroom walls:: pale blue and covered in posters
Do you have posters on your wall:: Anything from a pirate flag to a pamphlet on DNA parentage tests ;)
If so of what:: Oh, Tool, radiohead, Rage Against The Machine, Weezer, a whip, a map of the world, and a piece of cloth with the words "Fear is your only god" written across it.
Do you have a tv in your bedroom:: Technically yeah
How many pillows are on your bed:: two
What do you normally sleep in:: My bed, er, with er, nothing much more than what I came to this world with
Describe your favorite pair of pajamas:: I don't have any
What size bed do you have:: Double!
Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed:: I used to :(
Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom:: Yeah, I had to wire it myself though :/
Describe the last nightmare you had:: It's the same end, isolation.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals:: Froggles sleeps on the floor
How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed:: It depends on who I'm sharing with. Only one other person of course, so er, two. The question did specify 'sleep' I suppose
Any unusual sleeping positions:: Foetal, on my stomach, the sparrow (one leg tucked under)
Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling:: I have, but not in a very long time
Do you snore:: like a rhinoceros through a megaphone, but I'm in the process of fixing that
How about drool:: sometimes
Do you have an alarm clock in your room:: Yup
What color is the carpet in your room:: mottled pink and grey
What's under your bed:: whatever I need to store, a collection of neckties
This or that
loser/wannabe:: loser
Doughnuts/bagels:: donuts :D
Day/night:: Night
Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west:: West
Heaven/hell:: Heaven.
Make love/have sex:: Make love, it has a more passionate ring to it
Coffee/tea:: tough one, er, tea!
Hamburgers/hotdogs:: Burgers
Rap/rock:: Rock.
Britney/Christina:: I choose the colon ":"
Swiss cheese/american cheese:: Swiss, though Orange American cheese is kinda kooky
Real World/Road Rules:: Real World
Backstreet Boys/*Nsync:: NONE
Silver/gold:: Silver, or white gold, hrm, nah silver
Nike/Adidas:: hrm...adidas?
McDonalds/Taco Bell:: bastardized mexican is better than anything!
Sweet/sour:: Sweet.
Punk/emo:: hrm, I like punks enthusiasm, but I like emo's connection :/
Hot/cold:: depends, cold weather is great, but there are a lot of nice hot things
Winter/summer:: Winter.
Spring/Autumn:: Autumn.
Operas/plays:: Both
Read/watch tv:: read, hands down
Cd's/tapes:: CD.
Dvd's/vhs:: DVD.
Old/new:: Old.
Shorts/skirts:: I've worn skirts more often in the past year than I've worn shorts I'm pretty sure.
Pink/red:: Red
Colored pictures/black and white photos:: Both.
Meat/vegetables:: both!
Mexican food/chinese food:: Mexican
Commercials/infomercials:: Neither.
Scary movies/comedies:: Both are good
Bikinis/one piece bathing suits:: I'm not sure, whatever the wearer wants I suppose, but it's true that what you don't see can be sexier than what you do see. both have their distinct advantages, as for the whole using swimwear for its purpose, I imagine a one-piece is easier to swim in.
Sandals/tennis shoes:: Tennis shoes.
Dogs/cats:: Dogs!
Unicorns/fairies:: Unicorns
water/land:: Water
Sugar/spice:: oh...um, spice is nice
Black/white:: Both.
ribbons/bows:: Bows assume the tying has been done, ribbons however offer many more possibilities.
Chicken/beef:: I love cows. I love chickens :O I'm so torn!
Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights:: White light.
Cars/trucks:: Trucks are nice (huge trucks!) um, and I hate cars, so I'll say bikes (motor or otherwise)
Austin Powers/James Bond:: James Bond.......!
Popcorn/pretzels:: Popcorn.
Hip/hop:: hopping is better
Passionate kiss/peck:: Passionate kiss, there's no substitute
WWE wrestling/ real wrestling:: WWE has nice story lines, or did when I was younger :D
Back rub/foot massage:: Back rub, simply feels better, sensual and beautiful
Picture frames/photo albums:: Picture frames.
Pens/pencils:: pencils if I can help it, but pens must not be blue, green, or RED.
What Is Your Opinion Of The Following
Eminem:: I can appreciate the way he uses words, but his music isn't for me
Virgins:: Why anyone differentiates.......I'm not even going to get into it, these people are fine
God:: I'm open to the idea that a "God-like" figure could exist, but I'm not going to live my life based on the assumption that it does in fact exist and will kick my arse for living my life the way I want to
The Osbournes:: Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy........you didn't really need the money did you?
Reality TV:: Bleh, TV is alright, reality tv is not
J.Lo:: Good luck to her, she fits nicely into the machine
Religion:: I think it's great that people believe in things, it's not my cup of tea though
Emo music:: Ah Emo, harmless. Not too bad either
Valentine's Day:: A.K.A Hallmark Holiday.......
Christina Aguilera's comeback:: I wish she'd go back where she came from :/
Homosexuals:: This is a non-issue, we're all just humans and loving each other. They have my full support in their "battle" for lack of a better term, against draconian laws.
Abortion:: It's up to the individual, who am I to dictate to anyone what they do to themselves.
Inter-racial relationships:: non-issue,
Murder:: It depends on circumstances
Death:: inevitable
Pre-marital sex:: er, cos marriage is so sacred :/ I say go for it if you want it, and stay away if you don't, don't be pressured either way.
Terrorism:: I guess its my support of the underdog that makes me lean towards the Terrorists. What they do is terrible, but what is causing terrorism is just as bad, or worse.
Pornography:: Films? meh, it depends. Books? bring it on! :D
Fortune Tellers:: Harmless
Threesomes:: It depends on who the other two people are I guess
Prostitution:: complex issue, its not going to go away any time soon, but it doesn't bother me nor is it something I'd make use of
Politics:: The single most useless thing we've created
Country music:: Johnny Cash!
George W. Bush:: He's kind of amusing in that "Oh look at little Timmy push that nuclear launch button" kind of way
Cloning:: I think it has tremendous potential, but yeah, I understand there's a weirdness to it
Britney's boobs:: holy crap all of a sudden a nipple makes 4 pounds of fat sexy? :P I don't care for Britney's breasts because I do not care for what is inside britneys head.
Gas prices in America:: I imagine they're still pretty low
What Do You Think Of When You Hear These Common Names?...
Jack:: Skellington
Tiffany:: Breakfast at
Ben:: Dover, er, the white cliffs of,
Maria:: Rage Against the Machine
Jennifer:: er, Family Ties
Nicole:: A distant memory
Charlotte:: 's Web
John:: ny Cash
Vanessa:: Dunno.
Michelle:: Girl in school.
Kevin:: Smith
Jake:: Less Than.
Billy:: Goat.
Megan:: Heh.....ah. Sorry. Megan, Megan, Megan.....
Have You Ever....
Mooned anyone:: Yup
Been on a diet:: I ate M&M's for an entire weekend once
Been to a foreign country:: Yup
Broken a bone:: An arm, probably some toes and things
Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling:: yeah a tooth :(
Swear at a teacher:: Yup
Got in a fight:: Of course, er, but i'm a lover, not a fighter ;)
Dated a teacher:: not as yet....I may have dated a future teacher at some stage :/
Laughed so hard you peed your pants:: Very nearly
Thought about killing your enemy:: slowly and painfully
Gone skinny dipping:: yup!
Met another livejournal member in the flesh:: hah, I only read the journals of people I know
Told a little white lie:: nobody is honest all the time
Told a secret you swore not to tell:: I'd like to say no, usually I'm incredibly good at keeping things in, but sometimes things just happen
Stolen anything:: Lots of stuff, depending on your definition, sometimes accidentally, sometimes I've stolen a glance ;)
Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid:: yeah, but more swearwords make it better...except, not really
Been on TV:: I was on it the other night
Been on the radio:: Yep
Been in a mosh pit:: YEP!
Been to a concert:: Many!
Dated one of your best friends:: Yeah, technically I suppose I only ever date my best friends :/
Loved someone so much it makes you cry:: Yes, yes, yes.
Deceived somebody close to you:: probably
Broken the law:: all the time
Been to a rodeo:: er, no. I won't see those things done to my beloved cows without a good reason
Been on a talk show:: nope
Been on a game show:: nope
Been on an airplane:: Yep.
Got to ride on a firetruck:: Yeh!
Came close to dying:: I stopped breathing for a number of minutes, er, that was the first time
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend:: ack, no.
Gave someone a piggy back ride:: Yes.
Terrorized a babysitter:: Yes, my sister
Made a mud pie:: yeah
Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff:: Falling? yes, off a cliff? not necessarily
Snuck out of the house at night:: Yup
Been so drunk you don't remember your name:: I always remember my name
Had an eating disorder:: probably
Felt like you didn't belong:: Yep
Felt like the 3rd wheel:: No, the third wheel is still useful, it's the fifth you've got to worry about ;)
Smoked:: yeah, various things
Done drugs:: Yup
Been arrested:: I've come awfully close on several occassions
Had your tonsils removed:: Yep
Gone to camp:: yeah a few times
Won a bet:: yup
Written a love letter:: ah, yes.
Gone out of your way to be with the one you love:: yeah
Written a love poem:: yes
Kissed in the rain:: yep
Slow danced with someone you love:: yes
Participated in an orgy:: well, orgy is a broad term, an orgy of drinking? sure :)
Faked an orgasm:: I, er, no.
Stolen a kiss:: no. Thought about it? yes
Asked a friend for relationship advice:: Yeah
Had a friend steal your boyfriend/girlfriend:: nope
Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love:: Have I wished it? all the time. has it happened? not nearly as often as it should
Gotten a speeding ticket:: Nope
Done jail time:: Nope.
Had to wear a uniform to work:: yeah
Won a trophy:: yeah, hockey woohoo
Thrown up in public:: Hahaha yes!
Bowled a perfect game:: No.
Failed/got held back:: I got out before they held me back
Got perfect attendance in grade school:: nope
Roasted pumpkin seeds:: mmmmmmmm tasty
Taken ballet/karate lessons:: erm, as part of school, yeah, both
Attempted suicide:: nah, thought about it, never acted
Cut yourself:: I'd like to say no, but sometimes you just can't beat the feeling
Childhood Stuff
Did you play with Barbies/G.I. Joes:: Barbies & G.I Joes
Did you own Treasure Trolls:: nope
Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210:: yes
Did you play Simon Says:: No
Did you watch Fraggle Rock:: fraggle rock kicks arse
Did you wet the bed:: Nope
Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed:: not in either of those locations no, and they weren't monsters as such,
Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them:: Nope.
Were you shy:: I can be
Were you spoiled:: Not particularly
Were you abused:: yeah
Did you go to the circus:: yeah, my mum hates them though.
Did you go to the zoo:: yeah
Were you in a car accident:: several
Did you build snowmen:: only when we went to the mountains
Did you cry when you scraped your knee:: not usually
Were your older cousins mean to you:: not really, they were always kind of cool
Did you think slinkies were cool:: I never understood the attraction
Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer:: nope
Were you afraid of the dark:: yeah totally
Did you have slumber parties:: heh my sister did, embarassment ensues.
Did you have New Kids on the Block sheets, pillows, pajamas, sleeping bag?: We've got the album somewhere
Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany:: er no.
Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy:: yeah, doesn't everyone?
Randomness
Do you believe in aliens:: not in the "we've come to probe you" kind of way, but there HAS to be something out there,
Name three things that are next to your computer:: Graphics tablet, speakers, beer (empty :( )
Do you have any hidden talents:: yeah a few things, you'll just have to ask ;)
Do you wish MTV would play music videos:: I wish Mtv were good again :(
If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be:: a thriller
What would your movie star name be:: er...
Do you play any sports:: Not anymore, I still ride though.
What's the scariest movie you've ever seen:: anything that involved me walking home through the neighbourhood alone at 2am and being 10 years old. heh
What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently:: Donnie Darko and Adaptation were both good
What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen:: Ack, I try and block them out of my mind
Do you drive:: I can I suppose
What is your dream car:: something comfortable, it must have good sound.
Do you think you're good looking:: beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Do others think you are good looking:: I'm not sure, I should probably ask them
Would you ever sky dive:: Sure :)
Do you believe in Bigfoot:: er, no, sorry Nessie though......well that's another story
How many rooms do you have in your house:: er 11 or 12 I suppose
Are you afraid of roller coasters:: Nope, I like them lots
Do you believe in God:: nope.
Do you believe in Satan:: nope
Do you believe there is a heaven:: perhaps, a place on earth I guess
Do you believe there is a hell:: Yes, and perhaps earth is some other planets hell.
Do you own a pooltable:: Nope
Do you have a pool:: we have a wading pool :D
Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen:: Yes, but it doesn't get used, so our new dishwasher is called Stuart
Do you like chocolate:: understatement
Who/what is on your 2004 calendar:: Pugs...for torture
How many U.S. states have you been to:: er, none, though we're supposed to be the 51st :/
Ever wished on a shooting star:: Yep
Best Halloween costume you ever wore:: I went as a gimp, it was, nice.
Do you carry any weapons on you:: I have a whip on my wall, but I would never crack it in anger......au contraire!, er, I also have a pocket knife thing as part of my old job....I suppose that's a weapon
What is your weakness:: I have a small number of huge weaknesses
Name something you can't get enough of:: .....your love baby?
Describe yourself in 3 adjectives:: Open, confusing, human
How many kids do you want to have:: It would depend I suppose on the number of children my partner wanted. I'd love to have kids eventually (note the plural).
Future daughters names:: There are many beautiful names, I don't have any sense of family history or anything, so er, it would probably be something entirely new
Future sons names:: See above.
What is your ideal way to die:: comfortably
How do you release stress:: I don't stress easily....maybe I'm just bottling everything up? writing helps
Do you consider yourself a trendy person:: Not really, though, people are doing things today that I was doing years ago, and now they're cool heh, maybe I'm just bitter :P
Are you an artisitic person:: some would say that
Are you a realistic person?:: sometimes
Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off:: No laces at the moment
Are you a strong person:: in a few ways, yeah
Are you a strong willed person:: with regard to most things? I'd say so, but I do have my weaknesses
Who is the last person to e-mail you:: someone offering to increase the length of my penis....er, I can do that myself with the right thoughts or words. Of course, I can do it with the help of others as well :P
Who is the last person to IM you:: Floron the house cleaning robot from downstairs
Do you hate chain e-mails:: Hrm, yeah, mostly because they're false.
Are you a deep sleeper:: It depends. I'm not all that difficult to wake.
Are you a good story teller:: I'm not sure, I'd like to be though.
What do you believe is your best quality:: er, I like to think i'm trustworthy, open and honest
What is your greatest accomplishment:: I don't have anything
Do you like to burn candles or incense:: Sometimes.
Do you have your own credit card:: nope
Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money?:: help my friends realise their dreams
Do you have a check book:: nope
Do you have your drivers licence:: yeah and riders
Do you tan easily:: I burn like an effigy
What color is your hair naturally:: Brownnnnnnnnn
Worst feeling in the world?: Losing someone.
Best feeling in the world:: Those moments you have when you realise you're comfortable and secure. It's difficult for us to arrive their on our own.
Is the glass half empty or half full:: Half full, half of nothing (empty) is still nothing.
Last thing you downloaded:: some crowded house tracks
Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life?:: I hope not
What do you think people think of you:: People tell me i'm great, er, without wishing to blow my own horn. I don't understand why they say these things.
Are you a likeable person:: hrm maybe?
Do you need therapy:: perhaps
Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance:: it's been suggested to me before
When are you moving:: I'm going on a holiday this year, and I hope to study abroad in 2005/2006
What's your favorite phrase::
"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong."
"I can resist everything except temptation"
"In America the President reigns for four years and journalism governs forever and ever."
"Bad manners make a journalist"
- Oscar Wilde
Ouch. Tough times ahead my friend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|03:16 am] |
| [ | music |
| | If You Don't, Don't | ] |
"I dedicate this song to you guys here; it’s called One Armed Scissor"
Addictions 4 & 5 - indulged.
Addiction 1 - Unable
Addiction 2 - In the process
Addiction 3 - State of flux
These white renditions of cold steel love turn red slightly. Ghostly white, pinkish hue, tolerate and regenerate. Love the skin you're in. Another weekend, another handful of parties, another brash American saying "Don't hate me, it's not my fault", don't know why I'd hate you anyway. No hangover, they're few and far between, I'll see if I'm saying that tomorrow.
Put those chains on, attach the weights and pull, strain, heave, move, move, move, I am everything and nothing at all, I am reminded and forgetting, travelling without moving, launched into a flurry of thought, want, passion, pain. Words are failing, and I'm flailing, floundering, writhing on the rocks as the sea washes over my body, taking me away piece by piece. Take my hands, create and destroy. Wake up to another empty house, another cyan dream, there are people here but they're just as dead as I. Take me back to where it all began. Where is the wind?, cleansing.
"What's wrong baby?
Don't they treat you like they should?
Did you take them for it?
Or every penny that you could?"
I think I'll go for a ride. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2004|12:07 pm] |
This enciphering, all this errant symbolism of mine. All these addictions, rampant, running me down and making me happy, burning me up with such desire and passion. I'm not far from the madding crowd at all, I think i'm right here in the thick of it.
The protest went well, hopefully we've proven our point, that fees should not be increased by my educational institution, I was on the news, I realise now that the only time I make the news is when it involves something of a political nature. I wasn't protesting for me, the fee increases wouldn't affect me, I'm not protesting for the education of any children I might have, I don't intend on having children educated in any Australian universities, I don't plan on living in this country, so who or what was I supporting then? I'm not entirely sure, perhaps the right to cheap or free education for everybody, not just those who can afford to pay huge amounts of money. I was supporting the future of this great nation, and at the very least, if nothing comes of our actions, I can say that I was there, helping out, perhaps hindering.
The thing with protests that I find discouraging is that they all seem to splay into other issues, in particular the Government's stance on border protection, I still think it weakened our message, and that's why I said nothing at all for the whole march until I saw a police officer use pressure points (pressure applied to certain parts of the body to subdue someone) at which point "THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!" erupted from as far down as my toes. On our side the demonstration was peaceful for the most part, I ended up cooking pizza in an elevator, using a microwave borrowed from the local Trades Union building. Heh, the unions, protests end up becoming a recruiting ground for this or that, I prefer not to affiliate myself with anyone, it seems stupid to me that anyone would bend their thoughts, morals & ideas to any group. Strength in numbers is true, but it weakens the minds of those in the group. It felt great to awaken another long-dormant passion, but it is not one I think I'll choose to pursue. What got to me the most I suppose, was the way the police gloated and smiled, arms crossed, after evicting us from the foyer of the admin building, did they not understand that we were fighting for their children? for them potentially? It seems idealistic I guess, and maybe their loyalty to their job outweighed anything else. Such is the way of this world.
It is with heartfelt regret I announce the passing of the La Creuset cooking pot a.k.a The Small Blue Frenchman. His untimely demise came when he fell (or was he pushed??!) from the benchtop, leaving him with a large crack down his side. The cost of replacement is a staggering 1000 or so dirhams, thank christ it wasn't me who killed him, though I thought for a minute I had.
These addictions, all this hurt and hate we have for the ones we love and care for, sacrifice, all mounting, piling up and threatening to swamp us all, sweet repose, freedom, escaping my every attempt at capture, enraptured by the thought of it all.
"Imagine me, taught by tragedy
Release is peace
I heard a little girl
And what she said was something beautiful
To give your love no matter what
Is what she said"
Stitch up your wounds, lick them clean, taste the blood in your mouth, the fire in your heart, lamentable words, thoughts, actions and deeds. The trails we all leave, coagulation of blood, stains on the footpath, on the sand, on the stairs, outside your house and in, following you, a grim spectre, a smiling face.
Ineffectual.
The torture of time and truth, the heart forever mournful of the past, the first, the last, the present. Reach out and feel, dump those pills out again and start the count up, one for me and one for the good Doctor. "Never dreamed you'd return", everyone dreams of that, of that moment, the return of all that is well and good, the serenity and comfort, the distance in your eyes returned, the small light as if staring at a candle from space. Steel yourself to reach out and touch the flame, it won't burn you, not this time, the warm embrace, the light, but not the searing of the soft, lithe skin. |
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